Här kan ni få läsa vad jag vaknade upp till idag:
"Hey! First of all, I'm terribly sorry for being unreachable over the last days. I had some very eventful, exhausting and also tiring last weeks and I kind of needed some time away from everything in order to calm down and get back on my feet. I know I should have given you a little more information and I feel really bad for leaving you completely in the cold about my actions.
But somehow everything happening around me took a little more of my energy than I had planned.
I spend a lot of my time learning, organizing stuff for university / family / friends, working at home...
That was one component giving me quite a lot of stress and also causing me some trouble.
The other thing, that gave me even more to think about was our current situation. Basically at first I just wanted to take one or two days to figure out some things, but somehow when I then drove home to styria everything got delayed and I got so distracted by so many things going on there, that the whole timespan became longer and longer. (giving me even more worries because I really have a bad conscious).
The thing I realized throughout those days is, unfair and bad as it may sound, that I really am not ready to be in any kind of relationship right now. This hurts a lot since I really and honestly do care about you a lot, and I think you are an amazing, awesome and fun person... The time we spent together was always funny and great – yet still, I'm sure you also have realized throughout the whole time, that I was sometimes being quite passive...
At first I thought, that by taking it slow it might really work but over the time I just realized, that I was still not ready yet to commit to a new relationship.
I talked about it a lot with Sebastian and we both kind of came to the same explanation...
Even though it is already about a year, that my ex and me split up, we were still in regular contact... (we split up in a good way, staying good friends all the time after that) It was a nice thing, to still be able to talk as friends – but also a nasty thing - since, as I realized, it made it impossible to completely end this chapter...
Somehow my last relationship (which did last 3 years) is still present in the back of my head and interferes with my ability to start anything serious and new...
So for me the thing I need to do now, is try to solve that thing out completely because I am quite sure, that I am not able to make any progress in any relationships as long as I carry that weight around with me.
I am sorry, that you have to suffer under my past and the difficulties I have right now and I hope, that you are not too mad about all that...
Once again I want to apologize for the way I acted in the past days and I hope you can understand me at least partially..."
I'm sure you also have realized throughout the whole time, that I was sometimes being quite passive...
Hur har han varit passiv när han ringt fleeera gånger per dag, sagt att han tycker om mig, gett mig alla hjärtans dag-present, sagt till hans vänner att han är lycklig som har mig...?
